Cultivating Rhythms of Anticipation in a YOLO World: A Midnight Reflection on Psalm 23
Not too many nights ago, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning filled with anxiety about some presentations I have been preparing. My stomach churned as I played different scenarios in my mind, like failing, forgetting, or fumbling. I imagined, with horror, the wrong words falling from my mouth that I had no way of taking back.
I often experience some level of anxiety before an event, but this time feels unusually intense. Over the past few days, I have had conversations with a few others who are attending the same event that I am and they, too, have experienced intense stress, apprehension, and fear. Emotional responses that are part of the “new normal” in these post-the-worst-part-of-COVID times.
So, on the nights when I wake up in the middle of the night, which is often, I have been praying through Psalm 23. It has become my midnight reflection and I am encouraged by how much new God has shown me in a Psalm that is so familiar.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
I chewed this one over quite a bit. If the Lord is my shepherd, and he is, then I will not want. I wondered, is it possible to not want? I face days wanting all sorts of things—new sandals for the summer, an anniversary trip to Ireland, smooth, elastic skin, maybe a book or new hardwood floors. Give me five minutes on Instagram or Amazon and my wants increase! Speaking of Amazon, I can fulfill the want with a tap of my finger, and it often shows up on my doorstep within 48 hours, but truthfully, I never feel satisfied after trying to satisfy my cravings—they’re endless.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
So, the longer I’ve meditated on this in the midnight hours, the more I am realizing that when I acknowledge the Lord as my Shepherd—my Father, Savior, Friend, Helper, Comforter, Mender, Redeemer, King, Lover, Provider, when I actually stop and make a point to say, “Lord, you are my shepherd,” my wants begin to change. I have begun to realize that God satisfies my relentless longings with stillness and rest, peacefulness and quiet.
I’ve always sort of imagined green pastures and still waters as dreamy places booked for a personal retreat, a getaway, or sabbatical, instead of finding soul food and soul space in God’s presence. But the more I repeated the psalm as a prayer back to God, the more I realized that any shepherd worth his weight in wool leads his flock to green pastures and fresh water every day.
I have begun to wonder, perhaps God awakens me at night to provide a deeper kind of rest for my soul.
The whole rhythm of repeating the psalm has helped me to rest-assured that God is the one who leads me down paths of righteousness for his name’s sake—I simply follow him by faith. What I mean by that is—I prepare presentations, I clean my house, I do my job, I care for my husband, I tend to my writing assignments all the while sticking close to the Good Shepherd.
I have a friend who shepherds some sheep just outside of Durham. He started with a few ewes and a ram, and they have multiplied! This spring at least six baby lamps were added to the flock. My friend marvels that these animals recognize his voice, they’re excited when he arrives to tend to the flock. He cares about their safety, their health, and makes sure that they’re nourished and restored. How much more does our Good Shepherd care for us?
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
I love this section because I can easily remember the times when i felt like I was crawling through the valley of death as I battled a chronic illness. I have known that painful and raw grief that comes from losing loved ones to death. I have known God’s presence in excruciatingly dark and difficult ministry situations. I am learning to traversed the valley of the shadow of death alongside others and to lament, to bear the agony of others whose pain is beyond my reach, but not beyond God’s.
He is with us—the tap of his rod keeps us from sliding off the edge and the touch of his staff reassures, comforts, and reminds us, “I am still here”
These realizations have been making their way into the daylight of my thoughts and feelings too. In the midst of recurring anxiety, I have moments of a deep and abiding contentment. Through the Word or the encouragement of others, I’ve gained reassurance and courage.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Amazingly, God seems to prepare this table in an uncomfortable, threatening, even unsafe space...right there in front of our enemies. I have thought a lot about this too, in the middle of the night. This stanza provides a picture of protection and plenty. The shepherd, in enemy territory, anoints our heads with oil and sets before us a bountiful table. We are destined for a purpose, and even in the presence of our enemies, our cup overflows.
The once foreboding grey and brown tone of misery that seeps into everything in valley of the shadow of death, is eventually replaced with a beautifully set table, celebration oil, and a place of plenty.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Our Good Shepherd nourishes us mind, body, soul, and spirit in sometimes intangible ways and often replaces our wants with something much more satisfying. The psalmist confidently sings the tune of praise and faith, Surely, yes, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life as we make our way to the house of the Lord.
Cultivating Rhythms of Remembrance in a YOLO World involves three things—there could be more, but we’ll start here
· God’s soul-care includes learning to listen for his voice and following him as he leads us to green pastures and refreshing water holes. Check your wants now and then—are you underwhelmed, discontent, not really satisfied? Tell the Good Shepherd everything and as you do, he’ll restore your soul in ways that only God can do.
· Whatever might define the dark valleys in your life today, remember, really remember: He is with you, he is IN you, he’s not going anywhere. As you pray and plead for help, stop to listen. Raise your awareness. Stand ready to feel the tap of his staff or the smack of his rod. The better you get to know him the more obvious his presence and activity in your life becomes. Invite others into the darkest places too. God’s voice is often relayed through our friends.
· Make Psalm 23 your midnight meditation. For the next 10 days memorize it enough that you have it handy in your mind when you can’t sleep, while you’re waiting at the doctor’s office, when you’re trying to get your mind off something. Then stick with the psalm for a few months. Keep a journal and copy it out, jot down thoughts and discoveries about God. Jot me a note and let me know how it goes!
